Final VS Draft Mini Essay One (practice exercise)

Three Things That Were Changed:

  1. Shortened the intro, it was originally in the draft long enough to be a short body paragraph.
  2. Thesis statement is less wordy & yet more detailed, making it appear as though the writer has become more comfortable with how they view the films. There seemed to be confusion or disorganization of thoughts in the first draft, however the final draft is much more organized and precise about detail. 
  3. Got rid of the long sentences explaining what art is meant to make us see and what kinds of art that there is, which seemed out of place or of little importance.
Two Things That Are Done Well:
  1. Final is more detailed and more clear than the first draft which is very wordy and more focused on what art makes us see and what art is rather than the pieces themselves
  2. Less use of the word "We" throughout, more professional rather than casual writing. 

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